We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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