trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
