I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
