A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
