girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
