Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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