im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
