My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize