Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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