I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
