My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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