why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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