While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize