I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
