just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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