his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
