I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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