But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
