Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
