I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
