Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
