He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
