mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
