So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
