I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize