Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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