You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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