I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
