guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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