Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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