You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I have vodka in my lungs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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