Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
