I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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