in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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