chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
