You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
