Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
