Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
