While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
