We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
