I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
