Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
