saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize