nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
