Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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