RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
