is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
