it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
