i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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