just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
