i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
