I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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