I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
