sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
