All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
