wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
