i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
