God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
