I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
