You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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