I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
