Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
