Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I will pee on everything he values.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
