i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i out mim tonsoeep
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