Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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