we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize