she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
