handjob tips. give me some.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize