I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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