O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
