Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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