make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize