I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
