You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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