You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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